living away from "home"

{our first day in Indy}
 I don't often use this blog to wax philosophical about topics I am pondering.  It is my place of escape to catalog my thoughts and ideas (mostly girly and often food-related).  But it is also my space of confiding parts of me....sharing my "loves," my home, and my life.  When I moved down to Indy to start my life with Zach there was part of me that felt empty, because I didn't know who to confide in about our tiny apartment, my ideas, recipes, inspiration, and especially that girly side of me. I'm pretty sure I even asked Zach to give me a girly day, where he would just indulge that part of me that loves to gab and shop and dream (sad, I know). 

Now the obvious answer is to "get out there and start making friends!" but for one reason or another this has been a painstakingly slow process for me.  I'm glad to say after 3 years in I've made a lot of headway in the "friend department," and choosing Indy as a permanent home means more time to deepen our roots with the people around us.  I feel blessed to have some really amazing childhood friends who have consistently kept me as part of their lives from a distance.  I also get to live life with my best friend and partner, and living away from "home," family and friends, means we depend on each other and have grown so close in these early years of marriage.  I cherish our little family of two.  These are good things.

Some days though, I miss being in a space where I am known.  I feel differently when I am surrounded by those who I have grown up with - perhaps less on edge and eager to please.  I speak differently (and probably more confidently) in a group of those who have walked through life with me and understand my background and history.  I miss being in those places and with those people.  I miss hearing their advice, wisdom, memories, and stories, and seeing their faces (because the phone just isn't the same).  I wish I could invite them into my home on a more regular basis.

I don't really have a conclusion to these thoughts....and often I put on a confident front and say everything is fine (doesn't everyone, though?).  But a little honesty never hurt, right?   And some of you are away from home too - so, does a part of you always ache to be home?  Does it change when kids enter the picture?  How did you get connected in a new city (sans barhopping)?  A little advice today would be so appreciated, dear friends.


tiny twig said...

i felt completely like you described for the first 2 full years we lived in charlotte. then, somewhere around year 3 i felt like we started investing more substantially in the lives of people in our church and community...and suddenly, without really noticing, i had built AMAZING friends.

having kids does force you to rely on people in a way that makes them feel like family...and that helps. but you have to really put yourself out there.

i've found it was very difficult to be REALLY good friends with people who had family in the area. they just didn't have the time or understand the deep void being on your own creates to be the kind of friends we needed. our best friends were also people who were "family-less".

Meaghan said...

I don't have any advice for you, but am just hear to say you aren't alone!

I moved away from family when my husband & I got married 2 years ago and I'm still trying to find my place in this "new" town, while longing to be close to my family too.

All I can say is how thankful I am that I get to see my husband every day and he makes it (being away from family) worth it, in my opinion!

paula said...

This must be so hard. Every once in awhile I would love to pack my little family up and move away, but I seem to forget how important girl friends are. Am I awful or what?

Kelly Galvin Robson said...

Oh my gosh, can I relate to what you are feeling right now! I don't have any advice, sorry. But misery loves company, right? I grew up in Southern California, with everyone around me (friends and my entire family). While in college, my parents moved to Indy (holler!) and then my sister moved to Colorado. About three months after I got married, my husband and I moved to Philadelphia... away from everyone. It's been two years now. Parents still in Indy, sister (and her now husband) in Florida. We visit them whenever we can, and being with family is the most refreshing thing when you've been away for so long. But, the one thing I didn't expect to happen from this whole thing is how much I would miss Southern California. I feel like I need to get back to my hometown just as much as I need to get to Indy to see my parents, or Florida to see my sis. Do you feel that way? Like the familiarity of your hometown can remind you of who you are? It's amazing how an actual place can serve such importance in one's life.

After two years in Philadelphia, we bought a house and now it really feels like a permanent home. And, like you "I cherish my family of two!" ...but finding good friendships is difficult. I think that same thing: when kids enter the picture, I'm sure it will be easier. And, I really believe that. But until then, it will be just us. And that's ok. :)

Thanks for this post! You are reading my mind-- I miss home today. :)

Heather said...


Sometimes I happen to find your blog in my sporatic blog reading days, and I came across this post tonight. I don't normally comment too much on people's posts, but I felt like I should on this one. I had a baby July 1, and to be honest when I found out Forrest and I were going to be parents I was honestly devastated (obviously our planning didn't work out the way we were hoping). I thought our lives were over and I was tragically jealous of my friends who didn't have children and was wondering if things were going to be different once our sweet baby was born. Even though it hasn't been 3 months yet, I can honestly say nothing has really changed. Friends and family still want to see us, they still call, and I still feel just as loved as I did before our sweet girl was born. Everyone is always so excited to see how much she has grown and is always itching for stories of sweetness. We don't have any family who lives within 3 hours, and I was devestated when my husband and I moved so far away from our families. I am super happy that God has worked all of this out for us! I am sure when the time comes it will be the same for you. :)

Have a fabulous day,
Heather (Snivley) Metzger

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